Won't you please, please help me?
Jul. 1st, 2020 07:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodydemonicI am not very good at asking for help. I'm far too stubborn and like to do everything for myself. The only exception to this is/was school - I was more than willing to ask for help if I didn't understand something, probably because it was the only way of solving the issue
I'm getting better at reaching out when I have a bad mental health day, admitting I'm struggling and asking for help/reassurance/love/whatever-it-is I need at that point. It's still terribly, painfully, hard but I am making a concerted effort to do it.
But in practicality? I'm independent and don't like what I perceive to be the weakness of admitting I can't do something and need help. Now I find myself in the super-frustrating position of needing people's help - usually Talia's - because I'm physically incapable. Right now I am laid up on the couch with a broken ankle. I tripped over the cat last weekend and fell down the stairs. There's pins in bones, a cast on my legs and I haven't yet figured out how to walk on crutches. I'm pretty immobile as a result, I can't even get myself a drink, let alone DO anything. So I have to rely on Talia for any/everything. I find it frustrating as hell.
She doesn't. She's remaining calm, even in the face of my tantrums. She's being amazingly kind and I'm reminding myself how blessed I am to have her. And I also know that if the situation was reversed, I would be doing everything I can to help her. She's doing it because she loves me - not out of a sense of duty or pity. It's love, and kindness.
Her love and kindness is a gift and I am learning to accept it, even as I give it.
I'm getting better at reaching out when I have a bad mental health day, admitting I'm struggling and asking for help/reassurance/love/whatever-it-is I need at that point. It's still terribly, painfully, hard but I am making a concerted effort to do it.
But in practicality? I'm independent and don't like what I perceive to be the weakness of admitting I can't do something and need help. Now I find myself in the super-frustrating position of needing people's help - usually Talia's - because I'm physically incapable. Right now I am laid up on the couch with a broken ankle. I tripped over the cat last weekend and fell down the stairs. There's pins in bones, a cast on my legs and I haven't yet figured out how to walk on crutches. I'm pretty immobile as a result, I can't even get myself a drink, let alone DO anything. So I have to rely on Talia for any/everything. I find it frustrating as hell.
She doesn't. She's remaining calm, even in the face of my tantrums. She's being amazingly kind and I'm reminding myself how blessed I am to have her. And I also know that if the situation was reversed, I would be doing everything I can to help her. She's doing it because she loves me - not out of a sense of duty or pity. It's love, and kindness.
Her love and kindness is a gift and I am learning to accept it, even as I give it.
